08/26/2010
(HK Golden Forum, modified version)

Type 1: Moral Dickheads

These dickheads normally seize the moral high ground quickly with statements about their indescribable sorrow. Then they proceed to interfere with how other people must live their lives (e.g. no entertainment; no movies; no dining out; no neon lights; no NBA basketball games on tv; day of mourning in Taiwan; mandatory black dress for tv news announcers; etc). They point their fingers at the minor actions of other people and call them disrespectful, even cold-blooded.

Type 2: Radical Dickheads

These dickheads are often mindless angry young people. Normally they would never glance at a news story. But on this occasion, they come out and demand to fire all Filipina domestic helpers in Hong Kong to show that they care. Or else they say that they will never ever visit the Philippines. But it is not certain that they can point out the location of Manila in a world map. If you object to their proposals, they will call you brain-dead first.

Type 3: Manipulator Dickheads

These dickheads tie this tragedy to other unrelated things that they want to exploit, such as prominently featuring their own names/political parties/URLs in any petition drive, etc. For example, when you see a forum post entitled , you know that it is posted by a manipulator dickhead.

Type 4: Smack Aleck Dickheads

These dickheads think that they are smart and can easily see what others are unable to see. For example, someone sends him a video of an anti-terrorist military exercise somewhere else in the world. He watches it and suddenly he is an expert to comment on the mistakes of the Manila police. As another example, he may say that he was once with the Boy Scouts and therefore he can now comment on what the Manila police did wrong.

Type 5: Second Guesser Dickheads

These dickheads are very easy to detect, because they begin their comments with "I told you so ..." and "I already said ..." Then they continue on to say "if they had done that, things would have turned out fine ..." and "because they did this, everything went wrong ..." Of course, there is no way that they can be proven wrong.

Type 6: Emoter Dickheads

These dickheads are also very easy to detect because they say that they cried while watching the television coverage. (Note: Please do not confuse these dickheads with your mom. Your mom also cried. But afterwards, she went into the kitchen and cooked dinner for the family. But these emoter dickheads will keep telling the world for many days and nights afterwards through MSN, Facebook and microblogs that they cried while watching television.)

Type 7: Rationalist Dickheads

These dickheads are supposedly the smartest of the lot. During the live coverage of the hostage crisis, they were not going to post live comments to express their great thoughts. After the crisis ended, others may rave and rant on Facebook or add flowers before their own MSN ID's or make Internet forum posts designed to shock and awe through sheer sensationalism. But these rationalist dickheads will silently pay respect to the victims and quietly keep up with the latest developments. Unfortunately, you couldn't tell that these dickheads exist based upon what can be found on the Internet. By definition, they don't express their feelings. It is just wishful thinking that they exist. Do they? By definition, they won't come out to say so.

This list is not exhaustive, because you can easily come up with many more types:

Type 8: Joker Dickheads

These dickheads think that the whole point of this tragedy is to come up with more new ingenuous ways of tricking people into being more upset. For example, there was the Internet post that CNN had just reported that a young hostage was injured because he was hit in the head by the axe that the police used to break the bus window and not by any flying bullets. Yes, that dickhead knew that invoking CNN would trick a lot of people because they trust authority and he succeeded.

Type 9: Space Cadet Dickheads

These dickheads aren't even aware of this incident that has rocked the rest of Hong Kong.

經過今次菲國事件,高登仔百態盡現
nimbA

經過我連日來觀察,發現原來自稱看破世事的高登仔,一遇事故便原形畢露,實是可笑。

1. 道德撚
略解:呢類人通常搶佔道德高地,以如何如何悲傷為名,干涉別人的娛樂生活。又猛於批評別人的小動作,指他不尊重,更甚者,便會指他人是冷血的(我心諗_ _ _)。

2. 激進撚
略解:這類人多數是無腦憤青,平日連時事也不留意多一眼,今次竟然說要炒光全港菲傭,簡直一鳴驚人。又或說以後不踏進菲國一步,我卻不知道他能否在世界地圖上指出馬尼拉的位置。

3. 抽水撚
略解:故亂把無關連的事物都牽涉在內

4.自作聰明撚
略解:UM...這種人很難形容。例如說,有人send了一段某國恐怖演習的影片給他看,他一時有感而發,加上高登仔精密頭腦推理,在網上發表偉論。又例如說,他自稱曾經參加童軍,深知菲國警察的不當之處。

5.事後孔明撚
略解:這類人十分容易辨認,他的留言總是以「一早話左.....」、「都講過....」開頭。

6. 感性撚
略解:也是十分容易辨認,常自稱看電視看到喊的就是了。
(註:請別把他和你家中的母親混淆,你家中的母親,喊完便去煮飯了,而那個感性撚,卻不停在MSN、Facebook告訴人家自己看電視看到喊)

7. 理性撚
略解:這是高登仔中,智慧最高的一群。在電視直播巴士被挾持的過程中,他們不會上高登發表滔滔偉論。在事件完結後,當有些人在facebook瘋狂說讚;當有些人在msn名前加花;當有些人上高登開膠post,他們卻默默留意新聞的最新消息,報紙上的一字一言。

請勿對號入座,謝
創作者介紹
創作者 葉總裁 的頭像
葉總裁

☭ marselip0910 叶俊华™

葉總裁 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()