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Samantha Ronson announced to party-goers at the Chateau Marmont club in LA that “by the end of this year, my love will be Mrs. Ronson” and “tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.” The news suggests that Sam and Lindsay Lohan are planning to marry at the end of the year.

Lending more credence to the sapphic relationship is the interview Lindsay gave to Marie Claire. “Samantha had some stars so I had some done as well. I am very happy. She is a fantastic person who has a great influence on everyone around her.”

Whatever. Lindsay will be over Samantha by this time next year. Lindsay never went to college to experiment with girls so she needs to get this out of her system. She’s kind of taking this too far though. Her vagina is probably screaming at her for penis. Every night it yells, “For the love of god, feed me!,” and every time Lindsay, startled, looks around to see who said that.

Lindsay Dee Lohan (born July 2, 1986) is an American actress and pop music singer. Lohan started in show business as a child fashion model for magazine advertisement and television commercials. At age 10, she began her acting career in a soap opera; at 11, she made her motion picture debut by playing identical twins in Disney's 1998 remake of The Parent Trap.