(Ming Pao via InMediaHK)
Lee Ying Chuen: Give justice to the victims, Not direct anger at the weak.
August 29, 2010.
星期三晚，政府包機在機場降落後，受驚過度的母親就在家人的陪同下到了政府安排的車上等候，我一人站在眾多死者家屬之中，靜靜參加了遺體告別儀式。風笛奏着《Amazing Grace》，很莊嚴，也很淒涼。我看着棺木上的白布貼着一個個的團友名字，淚水如注。誰會想到這個旅行團回到香港時會是這個樣子？
我淚眼看着傅太帶着她的一對子女到她丈夫遺體棺前告別。她只有四歲的小女兒在飛機上不時嬌滴滴的問母親：媽媽，為什麼爸爸回香港但是不回家？媽媽，為什麼我閉上眼睛會看到爸爸？一句句稚子無知的問題，聽得人心絞痛，可敬的是傅太仍堅強得很，仍以逗小孩的聲音平和地對女兒說爸爸已上天國，着女兒和爸爸說再見，過了一會，才傳來她痛哭的聲音。還有汪小妹的呆滯眼神，如所有情緒被抽乾了，讓人看得心痛。下機前，我走到導遊Masa 的母親前面，握着她的手，不知道跟她說什麼，只能說，我很想謝謝Masa，他一直很照顧團友，直到最後一刻。
回家的路上，我透過車窗看着天上的月亮，圓得讓人心痛，不知是農曆十五還是十六，又是那麼亮，亮得那麼冷漠。
這幾天我把事情想了很多遍，心裏有極大的憤怒和悲傷，還有說不出的愧疚。我一直在想，為什麼我們沒有行動起來拯救自己？為什麼在漫長的等待過程後，我們仍靜靜期盼那似乎是永不會來的救援、把自己的命運交付那無能的政府？
我們當中確是有想過要自己起來制服槍手的，到底是什麼讓我們猶豫了？是我們害怕，也是因為我們都相信槍手並不想殺人，我們一直以為事件會和平解決，當然，我們最大的錯誤是我們高估了當地警察的能力。
槍手大概是早上十時左右上車，當時我們剛要離開菲律賓國父紀念古堡。他上車時以菲語嘰哩咕嚕了一堆，後來用了一些簡單英語，在當地導遊的翻譯下，我們明白他是一個警察，認為自己被無理革職，原來他明年一月就要退休了，他要求政府重新調查，讓他復職，讓他可以重得失去的百萬元披索退休金。槍手又多次向我們道歉，他說他也不想這種事發生在我們身上，說只是想我們幫他，逼政府注意他的個案，他三番四次強調不會傷害任何人，只要我們合作幫他。他請導遊把我們的手機沒收，但是並沒有認真檢查我們是否真的交出手機（這讓我其後後悔自己真的交出了手機），他又強調他不是要我們的手機，只是暫時收走而已，他又說他不是要我們的錢，真的，他從來沒有查看或要求我們交出任何財物。不久，他容許肚痛的李老太下車，讓傅太帶着幾個小孩下車，又讓患糖尿病的李老伯下車，這都讓我們認為，他是擁有最基本的人道關懷，認同要照顧老幼病殘，所以他該不是窮兇極惡之徒。在他最後開槍之前，他從來沒有把槍指向我們任何一個人，從來沒有威嚇過我們，只要我們告訴他「toilet」，他都會揮手示意讓我們去，於是十個小時內，大家都在車尾堆滿雜物的小室內以膠袋如廁。首幾個小時，槍手說電話時，語氣平靜，有時還語帶笑意，一聲聲「ok、ok」的，讓我們心寬，間或又再強調不會傷害我們，還容許外面兩次送飯給我們。一直到黃昏之前，大家雖然是擔心又害怕，但車內的氣氛算是平和，並不恐怖。我看了好幾次自己的掌紋，想，我的生命線很長呢，以前看掌好多次，不同的睇相佬不是都這樣說的嗎？我對自己說，這次事件只是鬧劇，一定會圓滿解決。
沒有如果
開始的時候，我們認為槍手要求這麼簡單，該可以在一兩小時內和平解決，直到十二時多，我等得有點不耐煩，就小聲向坐在車尾的團友建議一起動手制服槍手。槍手單人匹馬，我們全團人雖然婦女小孩老人較多，但有點打鬥能力的男人、可以協助的青年和成年女子加起來也有十人左右，在狹窄的車廂內反抗空間不多，大家團結的話，總該可以把他制服的吧。不過，我們當時按槍手要求坐得很分散，每排只可坐一個人，旅遊車又長，大家不能商量，就沒有了行動的默契。我和坐在後排的幾名團友多次商量，不過，因為當時的氣氛仍非常平和，大家相信事件可以和平解決，認為如果行動失敗反而會激怒槍手，所以沒有行動起來。
槍手說下午三時釋放人質
到了下午一時多，槍手用簡單英語告訴我們三時會讓我們走，我聽錯了是八時，坐我旁邊那排的梁生還糾正我，是三點，梁生再問槍手確認3pm？槍手說yes，梁生大聲地回了一句good，大家也如釋重負。我沒有帶手表習慣，手機又被沒收，不時會問梁生時間，當梁生告訴我已經二時半，我的心又慌了，為什麼政府似乎仍是靜靜的沒有行動，又沒有答應槍手要求，自己心裏在想，要不要我們自己和槍手談判？可是槍手又似乎只會非常簡單的英語……好幾次槍手開門在車門前立足停下來時，我都想要跑到他身後用力把他踢出去，也在腦中預習了很多遍，但是又怕自己不能和司機溝通，怕司機不夠機警不會立即關門和開車逃走，讓槍手有時間反攻……我想了很多不同的可能性，最終都沒有行動，可能我只是在為自己的恐懼和怯懦找藉口。
多次商量擬合力制服槍手
時間一直拖着，始終未見任何解決事件迹象，我們在車尾的幾名團友再幾次商量要不要動手制服槍手。我們留意他的武器擺放在身上的位置，他走到什麼地方時最好動手，商量大家身邊有什麼可攻擊的東西，我說我雖然是身材矮小的女子，但如果男團友可以暫時壓着槍手，我可以搶槍和按着槍手的手令他不能行動，給時間車頭的團友逃走及求助，梁生亦靜靜叮囑子女在行動時要協助搶槍。可是，最終我們仍是猶豫，不敢亂來，皆因槍手把談判設定的限期往後推了又推，等待政府回應他的訴求，讓我們覺得，他是不想殺人的，直到槍手真的開槍射向前排幾個團友，梁生撲出去救家人時，一切都太遲了。後來我和梁太說起，原來她也想過要攻擊槍手，用她袋裏的繩子去勒槍手的頸。如果我們都可以勇敢一些，如果我們早些團結行動，如果我們沒有繼續等待警察救援而當機立斷行動起來，可能會有不一樣的結果，可恨的是，歷史是沒有如果的。
默念心經躲在椅底下保命
我躲在椅子底下，逃過了槍殺。剎那間，我不敢相信原來電影裏的情節真會發生在自己身上。我看到在另一排也躲在椅子底下的母親仍是活的，心就定了一些。第一輪槍擊後，車內很靜，這時天打起雷來，轟轟的一陣一陣，雨點又噠噠的打在車頂，更顯得車內一片死寂。車廂內很黑，只有槍手發現有人仍是活着時，再打出的一些槍聲和火光。我看到藍色的火光打入團友的身體，原來在蠕動的身體就不再動了，連哼一聲都沒有。隔了好一會，再又響起很多震耳欲聾的槍聲，和車身不斷被打擊的聲音，一切都不斷提醒仍生還的人，下一秒可能就會斃命。
看着前面那些不動的身體，我心裏自然的念起「謁諦謁諦，波羅謁諦，波羅僧謁諦，菩提娑婆訶」，希望已死去的團友可以快到彼岸，這是我長年看到有生命離世時的習慣。我不自覺地想，他們真的死了嗎？幾分鐘前仍活着的人，現在的靈魂仍在車廂內徘徊嗎？我把般若波羅蜜多心經慢慢的在心中念了很多次，一字一字的細細再咀嚼， 「觀自在菩薩，行深般若波羅蜜多時，照見五蘊皆空，渡一切苦厄……無罣礙故，無有恐怖，遠離顛倒夢想」，我想，我仍有什麼罣礙，心中轉念了很多遍，想起自己很多想做的事仍未做，想起親愛的家人朋友，能不死的當然仍是不死的好，但是心中已不像開始時那麼怕，最擔心的是母親在兩次的催淚彈攻擊中發出的咳聲會被槍手發現。槍戰好長好長，好像永遠不會完一樣，我感覺到自己的頭髮和身上染了很多血，都是別人的血，但是下一秒可能就是自己的血了。被救出來之後，這幾天都聞到血腥的味道。
救護車簡陋止血用品欠奉
在救護車上，我們要求救護員給雙手不斷流血的陳生包紮止血，救護員竟說沒有用品，我母親仍受着催淚彈的苦，她想喝水，救護員又說他們沒有水，我看了車上的櫃，果然是空空的什麼設備都沒有，只有苦笑。到了政府醫院，設備也非常簡陋。在我們被轉送去較好的醫院前，有不同的政府部門官員、不同救護機構的人員、領事館的人員，不停地問我為什麼槍手會發起瘋來，突然開槍，我不禁火了，當場忍不住就罵他們，他們到底是不是想救人？天底下會有那麼長時間來救人？槍手暴露了那麼多可以被攻擊的機會為什麼警察沒有把握時機？為什麼就不能先答應槍手的訴求先救人質……？陳先生不斷想找他的女友易小姐的消息，可是哪裏找，醫院裏亂作一團，同樣在醫院裏尋找子女的梁太看起來讓人心都要碎了，她雙眼睜得好大，盛滿淚水，似乎隨時會倒下，我一邊照顧受驚在哭的母親，一邊握着梁太的手，和她一起向在場的政府官員重複她的要求，要求政府人員帶她去找子女，但是無能的官員說，他們並不知道她的子女在哪個醫院……
血腥味揮不去閉目聞槍聲
我在醫院裏，把母親安頓下來，已是清晨近五時，我把染血的衣物褪去，頭髮已被乾了的血弄得僵硬，我洗了很久很久，濃濃的血腥味讓我有想吐的感覺。出來坐在沙發上，看着睡在病牀上母親順着呼吸而起伏的胸口，看了很久，生怕她會突然不動，看了不知多久，我才確定，是的，我們都安全了，都活着，我呼了一口氣，心中慢慢生了一片靜。我看着微亮泛白的天空，有恍如隔世的感覺。眼睛閉上，耳邊卻響起不斷的一下一下「啪、啪」槍聲，打散了原來心中的靜，之後眼睛一閉上就聽到槍聲，看見中槍團友身體在抽搐，不知他們是否已在往天國的路上，一直不能合眼。
菲律賓政府和警方對這件事的荒謬處理，全世界都看到，我也不用再多說，在醫院期間，看菲國新聞，知道其總統言行，聽到警隊為了替自己無能開脫而卸責給傳媒，竟要求在危急事件時封鎖新聞，我每每氣得在病房內大罵。在醫院的兩天內菲國官員和多方人員絡繹不絕的來慰問，總統妹妹也代表其兄來訪，我都把我的憤怒直接表達了，要求徹查和追究責任，給死傷者及其家屬一個交代。醫院裏的醫護人員倒是全都很盡心盡力的照顧傷病者，我非常感謝他們，我明白他們是想為他們國家造成的錯誤而盡力補償。
回港前，我去找梁太，想告訴她我們先回香港，也給她一點支持。梁太好厲害，很鎮定，還安慰我，她相信的神給了她很大的精神支持。不過，當我們說到當時車內最後的狀况時，大家都忍不住哭了起來。神啊，雖然我不是教徒，但無論如何，請祢照顧她已啟程往天國的親人，並給她和她仍在生死邊緣掙扎的兒子以無限的愛和眷顧。
我們曾經對菲國如此漠然
我一直想，是什麼讓一個曾是傑出警察的槍手變成冷血殺手？難道他就沒有任何罣礙？不擔心家人生活？是什麼把他逼上末路？他為什麼要用挾持人質的方式來逼政府重新審視他的個案，難道這國家沒有他可以申訴的途徑嗎？我這才明白，雖然我以前也有過好幾個來自菲律賓的同事，但我和大多數香港人一樣，對這個國家幾乎全無認識。明明香港有十幾萬菲傭生活在我們之間，甚至住在我們很多家庭內，但是我們對這個為我們提供了大量廉價勞工的國家和人民的生活狀况是如此的漠然。我們大概都知道菲國窮，才要在全球輸出傭工，但到底有多窮？我查看了一下，才知道原來菲國有三分之一人口活在貧窮線以下，槍殺、綁架的事情無日無之，這樣的情况之下，人民過的是什麼生活？我回想發生挾持事件之前二天，旅行團的行程當中有一項是到花車廠探訪，現場卻傳來了一陣陣惡臭，導遊指一下車廠圍牆外的一邊，是一個垃圾山，山上有不少小孩正在撿垃圾維生，讓人心酸無言。
菲傭變無能政府代罪羔羊
回到香港後，知道香港這幾天出現了不少反菲言論，網上有人說要把所有菲傭趕走，使菲國立即陷入經濟困境作為報復，又有菲傭在街上被辱罵，一聲聲「奴隸國、僕人國」來作菲國代號。我明白市民對菲國政府和警察的無能的憤怒，我親身體會，但是，這與菲國人民何干呢？難道我們都忘了被歧視的滋味嗎？香港曾是長久被殖民的一個社會，華人在體制上和生活上都被所謂的「主人」歧視，現在卻有一些香港人財大氣粗地聲稱「我哋請咁多菲律賓人，我哋係佢哋老細」，以一副「聘用你是恩惠，你卻敢以下犯上」的奴隸主姿態來責備那些和挾持人質事件全不沾邊的菲傭，實在讓人心驚。菲傭明明就是她們無能政府的受害人，正正因為政府無能讓人民溫飽，無數的菲國婦女才要離鄉別井、丟下自己的孩子去寄人籬下照顧別人的孩子呀，為什麼在香港菲傭反而成為無能政府的代罪羔羊呢？為什麼在悲憤的同時有些香港人會變成種族主義者？同樣讓人難以明白的是，香港政府竟也在此同時宣布要把包括菲傭在內的外傭繼續凍薪，使外傭都無法分享經濟好轉的成果，這是我們的政府在渾水摸魚嗎？政府能不能公開檢討外傭薪酬的標準和機制是什麼，在這個時候作這些舉動，給人政府要懲罰外傭的感覺，對消除仇菲情緒沒有任何幫助。有位友人引了魯迅的一句話：勇者憤怒，抽刃向更強者；怯者憤怒，卻抽刃向更弱者。香港人難道是只會向弱者開刀的怯者嗎？
公正調查追究責任慰亡靈
香港這幾天為了人質事件大家一同憤怒一同悲傷，我雖然沒有和其他團友討論過，但我想，團友們都會感謝市民的關心和支持。不過，要慰死難者在天之靈的方法不是責難無辜的菲傭或菲國人民，我們的焦點要清晰，針對菲國的政府和警方，要求公正的調查，追究事件責任，以及支持傷者及死者遺屬安排日後的生活，這才是對事件中死傷者的實在關懷，長遠而言，我們該更支持菲國人民建設更可靠的政府，更有公義的社會，這樣香港才真正算得上是國際社會的一員，有人道關懷的國際大都會。
各位團友，大家終於都回香港了，回家了。已離世的團友們，請一路好走，還請你們的在天之靈保佑你們在世的親人；身心受傷的團友和家屬們，請堅強起來，早日康復，以後的路還長，願大家都好好生活，大家保重啊。
[in translation]
On Wednesday evening, the government charter airplane landed at the Hong Kong International Airport. My mother who had been so terrified went in the company of family members to wait in the vehicle arranged by the government. I stood along with other family members of deceased victims to quietly attend the farewell ceremony. The bagpipe played
I watched Mrs. Fu and her two children bid farewell to her husband. Her 4-year-old daughter affectedly asked her mother: "Mom, why is dad going back to Hong Kong but not coming home? Mom, why do I see Dad when I shut my eyes?" These innocent childish remarks broke the hearts of listeners. But the admirable Mrs. Fu was quite strong. She addressed her daughter in her normal parental tone and said that Dad has gone to heaven. She asked her daughter to bid farewell to Dad. After a while, she began to cry. There was also the dull look in little sister Wong's eyes, looking as if all her feelings have been drained. After getting off the plane, I approached the mother of our tour guide Masa. I held her hands, but I did not know what I should say. I was only able to say that I wanted to thank Masa because he took care of us right until the very last moment.
On the way home, I looked at the moon through the car window. It was so round that it was heart-breaking. I don't know if this is July 15 or 16 in the Lunar Calendar. The moon was so bright, yet so cold.
I have reviewed the incident in my mind many times over the past several days. I am extreme angry and sad. I also have an indescribable regret. I kept thinking, Why didn't we take action to save ourselves? Why did hand our fates over to an incompetent government during the long waiting process and quietly wait for the help that never came?
Some of us actually did think about taking action to subdue the gunman. So why did we waver? Because we were afraid, because we thought that the gunman did not really want to kill anyone, because we thought that the matter would be peacefully resolved and, of course, our biggest mistake was to over-estimate the capabilities of the local police.
The gunman got on the bus around 10am. We were about to leave the ancient fortress that commemorates the founding father of the Philippines. He got on the bus and said a long string of words in local dialect. He also used some simple English. Through the interpretation of our local guide, we learned that he was a policeman who had been dismissed unfairly. He was originally scheduled to retire in January next year. He wanted the government to re-open his case, give him his job back and restore his 1 million peso pension payment.
The gunman apologized to us many times. He said that he did not really want this to happen to us. He only needed us to help him force the government to pay attention to his case. He emphasized repeatedly that he would not harm anyone as long as we cooperate with him. He then asked the tour guide to confiscate our mobile phones. But he did not really seriously check whether we did hand over our mobile phones (I was really sorry afterwards that I actually handed over my mobile phone). He emphasized that he did not want our mobile phones, but he was only temporarily holding them.
He said that he did not want our money. He let the elderly Mr. Lee get off the bus, because Lee suffered from diabetes. Everything made us think that he had some minimal humanitarian concern to look after the young, the old and the sick and therefore he was not a vicious thug. Right before he opened fire, he never even pointed the gun at any of us. He never threatened us. When we said "toilet" to him, he would wave his hand to let us go into the small room in the rear of the bus to relieve ourselves using a plastic bag.
During the first few hours, the gunman was calm when he spoke on the phone. Often times he smiled. He kept saying, "Ok, ok." This reassured us. Periodically he would emphasize again that he would not hurt us. He let people from the outside bring food for us twice. Right before dusk, while we were still worried and afraid, it was still relatively calm in side the bus. I read my palm several times. I thought that I have a long lifeline. Didn't the palmists tell me that several times before? I told myself that this was just a farce that would end satisfactorily.
At first, we thought that the demands of the gunman were simple enough to be resolved within an hour or two. By noon, we were getting impatient. We whispered to each other about acting together to subdue the gunman. The gunman was alone. Although some of us are children, elders and women, we had about ten able men, youngsters and adult women who could act. The tight space on the bus would make it hard for him to escape from us. If we act together, we could subdue him. But we were scattered all over the bus as ordered by the gunman, one person per row on each side of the aisle. The bus was also long. If we cannot hold a discussion together, it would be hard to coordinate our actions. I spoke several times with the team mates in the rear. But because it was still relatively peaceful, we did not take action because we thought that the matter would be peacefully resolved and, if we took action, it would rile the gunman.
At some time past 1pm, the gunman used simple English to tell us that he would let us go at 3pm. I thought he said 8pm. But Mr. Leung who sat on the same row on the other side of the aisle corrected me and said that it was 3pm. Mr. Leung asked the gunman whether it was 3pm. The gunman said, Yes. Mr. Leung replied, Good. We were relieved. I don't carry a watch and my mobile phone had been taken away. So I kept asking Mr. Leung for the time. When Mr. Leung told me that it was 230pm, I got worried again: Why did the government seem to be doing nothing? Why didn't they meet the gunman's demands? I began to think whether we should negotiate with the gunman ourselves? But the gunman seemed to understand only minimal English ...
Several times the gunman opened the front door of the bus and stood on the steps. I really wanted to race up behind him and kick him out. I rehearsed the move many times in my mind. But I was afraid that I could not communicate with the driver and I was worried that he would not be alert enough to close the door and drive away immediately, leaving the time for the gunman to counter-attack ... I thought about many possibilities. In the end, I took no action. This may just be an excuse for my fear and cowardice.
Time dragged on without any sign of resolution. The team mates at the rear of the bus discussed several times about subduing the gunman. We noticed that he always carried his weapons on him. We determined the best spot to attack him. We looked for objects around us to use as weapons. I said that although I am short and weak, if the guys can hold him down, I can grab his gun and hold his hand down so that the people in front of the bus can escape. Mr. Leung also instructed his children to assist during our assault. But in the end, we wavered and did not do anything, all because the gunman kept moving the stated deadline back and back while waiting for a government response.
We felt that he really did not want to kill anyone until the moment when he actually opened fire on the team mates in the front rows. By the time Mr. Leung rushed over to save his family, it was too late. Afterwards I spoke to Mrs. Leung and she said that she was ready to join us in our attack on the gunman. She planned to use some strings in her handbag to tie around the gunman's neck. If we had all been braver, if we had gotten our act together earlier and if we took decisive action instead of waiting for the police rescue, the outcome might have been different. Unfortunately, history does not have any "maybe's".
I hid underneath my seat and avoided the volley. At that instance, I could hardly believe that this scene from some movie was really happening to me. I saw that my mother hid herself under her seat in another row and was also alive. I felt better. After the first volley, it became quiet inside the bus. There was the sounds of thunderclaps outside. Then the rain fell down hard on the bus top which made the inside of the bus even more eerily quiet. It was very dark inside the bus. When the gunman found someone still alive, he fired more shots with flames coming out the barrel. I saw that blue fire entered the bodies of the team mates who became immobile and silent. After a while, there came many more loud gunshots. The bus was also being struck hard on all sides, reminding the survivors that they could be dead within the next second.
Looking at the immobile bodies in front of me, I automatically began to say the Buddhist chant 「謁諦謁諦，波羅謁諦，波羅僧謁諦，菩提娑婆訶」so that the dead ones can reach the opposite shore quickly. This was my long-time custom whenever someone passes away. I wondered without reflection, Are they really dead? Several minutes ago, they were still alive. Are their souls still wandering around inside the bus? I kept repeating the Heart Prayer slowly, one word at a time ... I thought about all the things that I still cannot bear to leave behind. I thought about all the things that I still wanted to do. I thought about my beloved family and friends. Of course, it would be better not to die. But I was no longer as scared as I was initially. I was most concerned about my mother who was coughing from the two tear gas assaults and might be detected by the gunman.
The gun battle went on for a very long time, as if it would never end. I felt that my hair and body were covered in blood, all coming from others. But the next second it could be my blood. For several days afterwards, I could still feel the smell of blood.
Inside the ambulance, we asked the emergency workers to stop the bleeding on Mr. Chan's hands. The emergency workers said that they had no equipment. My mother was still suffering from the effects of the tear gas and wanted some water to drink. The emergency workers said that they had no water. I looked in the cabinet inside the ambulance. There was nothing inside. I had to smile bitterly.
We arrived at the government hospital, where the facilities were also sparing. We were then moved to a better hospital. Various government officials, emergency department people and consulate representatives kept asking us why the gunman suddenly went crazy and opened fire. I got mad and I cursed them out, Did they really want to rescue us? How could it take so long to rescue people? Why didn't the police seize the opportunity to attack the gunman when he showed himself in public? Why didn't they meet the gunman's demands and free the hostages first? ... Mr. Chan kept trying to find information about his girlfriend Ms. Yee. But there was no way because it was chaos at the hospital. Mrs. Leung tried to find her children. It was heart-breaking to see her tear-covered eyes. She looked ready to collapse any moment. I took care of my crying, terrified mother on one side while holding Mrs. Leung's hand in my other hand. She and I repeatedly asked the government officials present to take her to see her children. But these incompetent government said that they had no idea which hospital her children were at ...
I was at the hospital. I let my mother settle down. It was almost 5am in the morning. I took off my blood-soaked clothes. My hair was rigid after the blood had curdled. I washed myself for a long time. The thick smell of the blood made me want to vomit. I came back out and sat on the sofa. I watched the steady rhythm of the breathing of my mother sleeping in her bed. I was afraid that she might become motionless suddenly. I watched for I don't know how long. Then I became certain. Yes, we are safe, we are alive. I took a deep breath. I became calm inside slowly. I watched the dawn come, as if I just emerged into a new life. I closed my eyes. But the sound of gun shots rang out -- "pow, pow" -- my calm was disrupted. Hereafter, every time I closed my eyes, I heard gunshots and saw the bodies of my team mates writhing. I didn't know if they are on the way to Heaven. I could not close my eyes.
The world saw how ridiculously and incompetently the Philippines government and police handled the matter. There is no need for me to say more. While at the hospital, I watched the local news. I learned what their President did and said. I heard that the police excused their own incompetence by blaming the media. They said that there should be news blackout during emergencies. I had to curse out aloud in the room. During my two days in the hospital, I was visited by many Philippines government officials and other persons. The younger sister of the President visited me on behalf of her brother. I stated my anger directly. I demanded a thorough investigation, accountability and an explanation to the families of the victims. The medical workers at the hospital did their best to take care of us. I am very grateful to them. I realize that they are trying to make good for the mistakes of their nation.
Before returning to Hong Kong, I went to see Mrs. Leung. I wanted to tell her that we were returning to Hong Kong before her. I also wanted to give her some support. Mrs. Leung was awesome. She was very calm, and she comforted me. She believed that God has given her a lot of spiritual support. But when we spoke about the final moments inside the bus that day, both of us began crying. Dear God, although I am not a believer in you, please take care of her heaven-bound loved ones as well as give your infinite love and blessing for her son who is still struggling between life and death.
I kept thinking about what turned a former excellent policeman into a cold-blooded killer? Didn't he have any reservations? Didn't he worry about his own family? What drove him to such desperate straits? Why did he have to choose to take hostages in order to force the government to review his case? Is there no way of making an appeal in that country?
I realized finally that even though I had some colleagues from the Philippines, I and most Hong Kong people know almost nothing about that country. There are more than one hundred thousand Filipina domestic helpers in Hong Kong and they live with our families. But we have never cared about this country and its people who provide us with a large number of cheap laborers. We know that the Philippines is poor and that is why they export domestic workers all over the world. But how poor? I checked and I found out that one-third of its people live below the poverty line. Killings and kidnapping occur on a daily basis. Under such circumstances, why kind of life do the people have? I remembered that two days before the hijacking, our schedule included a visit to a flower car factory. There we smelled a foul odor. The tour guide pointed to the outside of the factory wall. There was a mountain of garbage out there. Many young children were picking through the garbage to make their living. This made us sad and speechless.
After returning to Hong Kong, I learned that there had been quite a bit of anti-Philippines talk in Hong Kong over the past several days. On the Internet, someone proposed revenge by sending all Filipina domestic helpers home so that their country would plunge into economic hardship. I learned that Filipina domestic helpers were insulted in the streets, with the Philippines being referred to as the "nation of slaves" and the "nation of servants." I can understand that the citizens are incredibly angry with the Philippines government and police. I feel the same way myself. But what has this got to do with the people of the Philippines?
Have we forgotten what it feels like to be discriminated against? Hong Kong was a colonized society for a long time, with the Chinese being discriminated against by the so-called "masters" within the system and their daily lives. But now some Hong Kong people turn around to speak like slave-owners that "We hired so many Filipinas so we are their bosses" and "it was an act of benevolence to hire you so how dare you offend your superiors" against the Filipina domestic helpers who had nothing whatsoever to do with the Manila hostage incident itself. This is just appalling.
The Filipina domestic helpers are the victims of their incompetent government, which was unable to provide a decent living for its people. That is why so many Filipinas have to leave their families. They work to take care of other's children while leaving their own children behind. So why should the Filipina domestic helpers in Hong Kong serve as the scapegoats of their incompetent government? Why are some Hong Kong people angry but also being racist?
Even more incomprehensibly, the Hong Kong government has just announced at this time that the wages of all domestic helpers (including Filipinas) will continue to be frozen. This means that the foreign domestic helpers cannot share the fruits of the economic recovery. Is our government exploiting the situation? Would the government care to tell us about their standards and system for determining wage levels for foreign domestic helpers? Their actions right now carry the impression that the government wants to punish the foreign domestic helpers. This is no help towards relieving anti-Philippines sentiments. A friend quoted the words of Lu Xun: When the brave become angry, they draw their knives at those even stronger; when the meek become angry, they draw their knives at those even weaker. Do the people of Hong Kong only know to draw their knives against the weak?
Over the past several days, Hong Kong has been both angry and sad over this Manila hostage incident. Although I have not discussed with other team members, I am sure that we are grateful for the concern and support of the citizens. But the way to comfort the souls of the dead is not to blame the innocent Filipina domestic helpers and the people of the Philippines. Our focus should be clearly on the Philippines government and its police. We want a fair and proper investigation. We want to an account of the responsibility in the incident. We want to provide for the future of the injured persons as well as the families of the deceased. This is how we show our concern for the casualties in this incident.
In the long run, we should support the people of the Philippines to build a more trustworthy government and a more just society. This is how Hong Kong truly becomes a member of the international community and a cosmopolitan city with humanitarian concerns.
Dear team members, we have finally returned home to Hong Kong. Dear departed team mates, may your trip be smooth; please pray for your family members still with us. Those team mates who have suffered mental and physical injuries, please be strong and recover well. The road ahead is still long. May we all have a good life. Please take care of yourselves.
文：李瀅銓（馬尼拉挾持人質事件倖存者）
明報周刊 慘劇真相 (Ming Pao Weekly) The Interview with Lee Ying Chuen.
August 29, 2010.
On August 23, the tour leader Masa Tse arranged for the 20 Hong Thai team members to have breakfast the hotel. Then he took us to the Santiago Fortress. This was the last stop in our four days-three nights trip. Afterwards, we were to return home by plane.
After seeing the Santiago Fortress, we got on board the tour bus at around 10am. There were several dozen other buses around. I don't know why the gunman Mendoza picked us out and got on the bus. He asked the local tour guide to tell us that he was holding us as hostages.
The gunman looked amicable at first. He explained that he was scheduled to retire in January, but he was dismissed unfairly. He wanted the government to deal with some problems, including his 1 million peso pension. The gunman emphasized that he did not want our money and he would not hurt anyone. He said in English: "No harm! Cooperate, no harm!" He said "I am sorry!" many times. Then he ordered the tour guide to confiscate our mobile phones. Masa Tse was sitting at the back of the bus and he used the brief period of time to call his company in Hong Kong. Although the gunman stopped people from calling outside, he let the local tour guide call her family and even the office.
Although we were kidnapped, we were not especially scared. The gunman carried a rifle as well as a pistol on his right waist. But he acted friendly and gave the impression of being calm. After about half an hour, the elder Mrs. Lee had a stomach problem and had to use the toilet. But the restroom in the bus was stacked with stuff and it would not be easy. So the gunman let Mrs. Lee leave. The tour guide Diana told the gunman that she wanted to accompany Mrs. Lee. The gunman let them both off. The tour guide told the gunman: "I will be back!"
After Mrs. Lee relieved herself, she was actually ready to go back to the bus. But the police prevented her. She had to appeal to the Red Cross. She told them that Mr. Lee has a serious case of diabetes and must take medication. The police negotiation expert told the gunman about the situation. The gunman used simple English to ask, "Who has diabetes? You can leave." As Mr. Lee got off the bus, he forgot to take his belongings. So he used English to tell the gunman that his medication was inside his bag and he needed to fetch it. The gunman did not stop him. Mr. Lee said that as he stepped off the bus, the gunman put a hand on his shoulder and he was afraid that the gunman might change his mind!
After the tour guide left the bus, we were basically unable to communicate with the gunman. We can only understand what he meant through the simple English that he spoke. I don't blame Diana. When a person is threatened, she has the right to protect her own life. There was nothing wrong with her leaving us. But after she left, we found it hard to communicate with the gunman. That is a fact. But I think anyone of us would have seized the chance to leave.
At around 11am, the gunman was watching the live broadcast on the television set inside the bus. Then he turned it off for a while, before turning it on again. He was normal and did not look afraid. He chatted with the Filipinos on the bus (the driver and the photographers). They talked and they laughed. At around 12:30pm, the gunman began to release hostages. He released Mrs. Fu and her two children. As Mrs. Fu left, she told the gunman that the other girl named Wong was family as well. The gunman let her leave as well. Then the gunman released the two Filipino photographers who helped to move luggage for the group.
The gunman then asked the remaining 15 hostages and the driver to sit separately. On each row, only one person was allowed on each side of the aisle. Mrs. Leung who sat with Mr. Leuung was sent to the front. I was sitting with my mother and I was sent to the third last seat on the right. My mother was sent to the last row before the rest room. Mr. Chen said behind me. In front of was the Leung's 14-year-old daughter Jessie. The other Leung daughter Doris sat in front of Jessie. On the left was the still unconscious Leung brother. Mr. Leung sat behind his son. The tour leader Masa Tse sat on the last row on the right in front of the emergency exit.
The time went by second by second. The atmosphere began to get tense. But the team mates still sensed that the gunman was friendly. Team mates peeked occasionally outside the window to seek what the police were up to. The gunman kept talking on the phone, mostly in Filipino dialect with some occasional English mixed in. The gunman said to us: "You can all go!" He also said "Three, go!" many times, meaning that he would let us go at 3pm. I heard the gunman change the deadline several times during the phone conversation, from 3pm, 4pm to office hour. I did not have a watch or mobile phone, so I asked Mr. Leung across the aisle from me. "What time is it?" "4:30!" "What is office hour here? 5pm or 6pm?" We were getting impatient. The teammates in the rear of the bus whispered: "Why don't we just subdue him!" We spoke many times. But we did not do anything because he gave a deadline to the government and he did not show any sign of wanting to shoot anyone. He gave us the impression that he was peaceful. When someone wanted to use the restroom, he would permit it; he never pointed the gun at us to threaten us. When the government people sent food over, he did not inspect it for weapons. This showed that he was not very alert. We regretted afterwards that we did not try to subdue him.
The gunman kept pushing the deadline back. He continued to speak by telephone, mixing English with Filipino dialect. I only knew that he kept repeating his demand to the government. Sometime between 5pm and 6pm, the gunman got the tour leader Masa Tse to move from the last seat to the front. The gunman handcuffed Tse to the front door in an attempt to scare the government. He said on the phone: "Five minutes!" The gunman never asked for our names. He only counted the number of persons. Perhaps he needed to cite the number of hostages in his negotiations. Five minutes passed. He did not shoot anyone. He made many more phone calls with the outside. After more than half an hour, he got more agitated. I sensed that he was getting angrier. The television was still on, showing the live coverage of the incident. After another half hour, he still did not take any action other than speaking on the phone.
By that time, it had gotten dark outside. The television showed the police arresting his younger brother. He probably saw that. But what led him to start shooting was a phone call. He hung up and immediately took out his gun. "Bang!" The first shot killed the tour leader. Then he walked from the front to the back, shooting at the passengers. Mr. Leung and some other men rushed forward to stop him. I heard "Bang! Bang! Bang!" The men fell down on the floor. I and my mother both hid underneath our seats. When the gunman got near me, I saw that he was holding his long rifle. There was a pistol on his right waist but he never took it out. It was dark outside and there was no light inside the bus. Basically one could not see anything. So I think the gunman never saw us.
After the gunman fired the first volley and killed the first group of person, it became dead quiet inside the bus. There was no sound for several minutes. From underneath my seat, I saw that Jessie Leung was also hiding like me. Maybe she thought that it was safe. She saw that her elder brother Jason was motionless after the first volley. She thought he was dead. So after a while, she came out to check her brother. I saw clearly that she got shot as soon as she rose up from her place. She fell down on the ground, her body still writhing. The gunman added another shot on her. She didn't move anymore ...
I hid underneath the seat for a long time. After a long time, I heard someone cough up front. The gunman added a few shots. At the time, I was only thinking ... Will he come over? Will I really die? I was also worried about my mother. But I knew that she was underneath the seat behind me and I could see her.
I stayed in the darkness for I don't know how long. Then someone threw the first round of tear gas canisters into the bus. I was really scared. My mother was coughing. I was really afraid that the gunman might hear her and come over to shoot her. When the police tossed the tear gas into the bus, didn't they think that we would also be affected besides the gunman? If we come out and the gunman was still alive, he would shoot us! Then came another round of tear gas canisters. They really didn't care about our lives!
After a while, I heard people calling out "Police! Police!" Then someone helped me get out of the tour bus. My mother followed me. Later on, I read the news reports and learned that it was almost two hours from the first volley to my rescue!
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